Love+Theme+Research

__Why do humans want love so badly?__
No matter who you are we have all experienced love in some way, shape, or form. It could be the love of a parent, relative, friend, or a partner. Love can be a wonderful thing but love can also hurt us. Since love can be so confusing __why do humans want love so bad?__ What is love? What makes us fall in love? What happens to us when we have love and we don't? Or when we suddenly get love taken away from us? And last, since love hurts us so much, what makes us want it? __What is love?__

love, [luhv], noun- a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

__What makes us fall in love?__

"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." ~Alfred Tennyson Some say that opposites attract. Others may say that you fall for people that are similar to you. But what makes us fall in love? Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall says that each one of us has an psychological blueprint, and that we have an unconcious capacity to "scan" another's blueprint. She says that we try to look for differences in the other person, which is probably why opposites attract. Francis David supports this theory by saying "We need not think alike to love alike." However, cognitive psychologist David Perrett conducted a study in which they took a digital picture of the subject's face and changed it into a face of the opposite sex. He then took a series of pictures and had the same subject pick which they thought was the most attractive. According to Perrett, the subject always chose the changed version of their own face, which they did not recognize. So then, which theory is correct? Perhaps it is a combination of the two. Paula Hall said "The ideal partner will be someone who has struggled with similar life issues, but has developed another way of managing it. It seems that our other half is often our best chance of becoming psychologically whole." [] [] []

__What happens to us when we are in love?__

Many different things can happen to a person when they feel as though they are in love. Some things that happen are physical, whereas others are purely emotional. In the physical aspect, Italian scientists conducted a study that revealed some very interesting things that happen to the body when in love. Studies showed that men had lower levels of testosterone that normal and and women had higher levels of their hormones than normal. Being in love can also affect key neural circuitry in the brain that is associated with critical social assessment of other people, giving way to the phrase "love is blind." It was also found that people who are in love have lower levels of serotonin and that the serotonin levels were actually the same as people with obsessive compulsive disorder. But many emotional things can happen too. People who are in love will naturally feel happy and they feel as if they are on top of the world. You get those butterflies in your stomach whenever that special someone is near you. You feel wanted and special, like you're the luckiest person in the world. I've heard people say that you could be in a room full of people, but when that special person walks in, it's like you're the only two people in the world. That person is the only thing that matters to you and you would do anything for them. When you are truly in love you have a special connection with that other person where you can feel what they feel. You feel their pain, when they are happy you are happy, when they are sad you are sad. You become one in the same and you feel like there is nothing else to figure out. You are constantly in a state of emotional bliss. Ann Landers really explains it well with this quote: "If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things that you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough"

__If love hurts us so much, why do we still want it?__

Love is a beautiful and wonderful feeling, but it can also be the most painful thing in the world. I know what it's like to lose someone that you love. Whether it be something that you did, or just a mutual falling apart, it still hurt like nothing I'd ever imagined. You almost feel as though there is a giant hole inside your chest; a missing part of you; a deep chasm that can only be filled again by the presence of love. There is a certain sense of depression and loneliness that has no precedent and cannot be explained to anyone that has not experienced it themselves. After the pain subsides and gradually turns into a dull throbbing, we all have this strange reaction. We have this need to go out and find someone new to fill the void that we feel inside. But why is that? Why do we always feel this need to be loved, wanted and appreciated. It's a difficult question to answer. I too experienced this same feeling of needing to be loved, and I still don't understand it. Human nature tells us that to feel important we have to be wanted by everyone. C.S. Lewis gave a great explanation when he said " why love if losing hurts so much? We love in order to know that we are not alone." We as humans like having the feeling of not being alone in this world. Therefore, due to this strange and innate feeling, we continue to love even though we know that the pain is unbearable. It's a part of life to love and to lose, but we have to experience it in order to learn from our mistakes. As Alfred Tennyson says: "I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all." Pain comes along with love; it's a package deal, but it's a package that's worth picking up. When the right person finally comes along, you'll forget about all the pain and you won't ever have to worry about it again.

__What happens when__ __we don't have love?__

According to Lee Ann Obringer at howstuffworks.com without love our society would be more like that of the animal world. Instead of looking for and trying to fall in love we would be simply looking for someone who would give us the best chance of producing offspring, even if we have no passion for each other. If love wasn't in the equation then we would probably have a population boom because instead of our emotions driving how we feel about another our instinct of who would give us a better chance at producing offspring would. Other then being more like the animal world what else happens when we don't have love? Say you were already in love and something happened. It could be a car accident, suicide, or possibly even murder. Either way when something like that happens the love in your life could be pulled away from you. This could leave a person feeling guilty, depressed, or worst case scenario, suicidal. Without the love there to support them people could fall into a pit of despair and they could stay there until they find that love again. Not only could people get depressed but this can lead to illnesses. Its not unusual for children to have stomach pains and headaches sfter something like this. Children could also start developing behavioral issues because it is their way of dealing with that greif. It can also cause psychological issues. According to Dr Trisha Macnair, "It's not unusual for people who have lost a partner to clearly see or hear the person about the house, and sometimes even converse with them at length." Now this doesn't necesarrily mean that this person needs to be commited to an asylum it just means that this is that persons way of coping with the lose of that love. People have also been known to turn to alchol or drugs to deal with the problem. As you can see whether it's being more like animals or losing a loved one, not having love is not a good thing.

1) Dent, Dr. Ann. "BBC- Relationships-Coping with Greif- Bereavement." __BBC- Relationships__. . BBC. 13 April, 2009. [|www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/coping_with_grief/bereavement_sudden.shtml]. 2) Mcnair, Dr. Trisha. "BBC- Relationships-Coping with Greif- Bereavements Effects." __BBC- Relationships__. . BBC. 13 April, 2009. []. 3) Obringer, Lee Ann. "HowStuffWorks "How Love Works"." __How Stuff Works__. . Discovery. 13 April, 2009. []. 4) Image: [] As you've seen, love has many sides. Technically, it's when we have affection for each other. When we are looking for someone we may find an exact opposite, someone exactly like us, or maybe a combonation of the two. When we are in love men may have lower testosterone levels and women may have higher hormone levels. When we don't have love we would simply be more like animals. When it suddenly gets taken from us we could develop psychological or physical issues. And last, even though it hurts us, we want love because without it we would feel even emptier then we would being hurt by it.